


Grim Olympian Tales: Steal Me A Little Something

by eri_quin



Series: Grim Olympian Tales [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eri_quin/pseuds/eri_quin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermes is the Thief of Thieves. And he wants to steal Percy Jackson’s heart. That is, if Percy would stop distracting him by asking him to prove he really can steal anything. Part of the Grim Tales one-shots, male Olympian style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grim Olympian Tales: Steal Me A Little Something

** Grim Olympian Tales: Steal Me A Little Something **

_Hermes/Percy -Based on The Master Thief_

 

“You’re Hermes. Don’t you have to be somewhere?”

 

“Why here, of course.”

 

Percy sighed, picking at lint on his shorts.

 

“I’m not sure I understand why you’re here of all places,” the demigod sighed again in frustration.

 

For the past five minutes, Hermes had patiently explained his reasons for being with Percy and echoed the boy’s sigh.

 

Then again, he hadn’t meant to explain it all in a roundabout way, which might’ve confused Percy after all. Now…what would brash, loud, and impulsive Ares do…?

 

Hermes nodded surely, “I’m here because I would like to…steal your heart.”

 

Well, Ares would of phrased it differently, but at least he hadn’t of been as blunt or as abrasive as Ares would have been.

 

“…What?”

 

That reaction was expected.

 

“I thought I was clearer this time,” Hermes explained awkwardly.

 

“No, no. You _were_ definitely clear…Actually, I understood you the first time. I just don’t understand _why_ ,” Percy confessed.

 

Hermes nodded. That was understandable.

 

“Well…if you ask Aphrodite, she would tell you some nonsensical explanation of love. Or say it just is. Whatever explanation she comes up with, it changes. Like I suppose love changes. It’s not an explainable subject, but an abstract idea,” Hermes shrugged. “I just do. Love you, that is.”

 

“Woah, woah, woah!” Percy’s eyes widened. “When did we go to love here?”

 

Hermes blinked, “I wasn’t clear with that either?”

 

“No! The clearest you got was when you said you wanted to steal my heart! And that’s _nowhere_ near love!”

 

The messenger god raised an eyebrow, “Au contraire, I believe stealing your heart would be equivalent to earning your love, or intrinsically linked.”

 

“First of all,” Percy started irritably, “There’s no way you could love me. You haven’t been around me long enough to even get to know me. I don’t even know if I like guys like that! I’ve never looked at another guy like that before, so this should all be a moot point. Secondly, you’re a god. Your ‘love’ is more fleeting than anything. Look at how many kids you have! Why should I get together with you, knowing you would never be faithful?”

 

Hermes hesitated before sighing, “True, I’m not _physically_ around you all the time, but I tend to watch you even when I don’t have to. On your Quests, even when there wasn’t a need, I looked in on you…and I felt a pull towards you even then. I would like to get to know you even more than I do, preferably learning from you yourself. And hopefully you would want to get to know me in return.” His hesitation went up a notch, “I cannot promise you fidelity, but I can promise you my heart always.”

 

Percy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “Wouldn’t that be the same thing?”

 

“I know how much loyalty and faithfulness is important to your generation, as it was back in the elder years of the gods’ golden years, though there is more emphasis on it now. What I mean to say is, I cannot guarantee my body won’t betray you, but I swear on the River Styx that my heart will not –that it will belong to you alone.”

 

Percy winced at hearing the promise, knowing just how serious a promise on the River Styx was. Trying to grasp for straws, he blurted out another thing he remembered Hermes had declared prominently.

 

“You can’t just _steal_ my heart,” Percy narrowed his eyes, scowling at the god.

 

Hermes raised his eyebrow again, smirking, “Really? I am the God of Thieves, so I would think that I would be capable of stealing anything, including your heart.”

 

“You can’t just steal anything, _especially_ my heart!” Percy shouted in frustration.

 

“Like I said, I’m the God of Thieves. There’s nothing I can’t steal. I haven’t failed yet in stealing whatever I come across and wanted,” Hermes stated arrogantly.

 

“Oh yeah? Try and prove that! I bet you wouldn’t even dare trying to steal Zeus’ lightning bolt,” Percy smirked smugly, quite sure of himself and that he had Hermes successfully distracted from him.

 

“…Okay. Fine. And then your heart is next,” and Hermes grinned ominously and vanished, leaving a gaping Percy.

 

“Are you serious? You can’t be serious! I was just joking! Oh gods, come back, Lord Hermes! _Please_! He’s…he’s just messing with me. He wouldn’t dare,” Percy muttered.

 

Yeah, right.

 

Moments later, found the God of Thieves slinking through the halls of Mount Olympus until he was in the throne room and Zeus’ Master Bolt was prominently showcased in the King of Gods’ personal throne.

 

“ _What_ do you think you’re doing, Hermes?” Zeus’ voice caught him off guard, just as he was about to touch the Master Bolt.

 

Hermes winced, “Um…Nothing?”

 

“Try again.”

 

The younger god sighed and turned to face his father.

 

“Stealing your Lightning Bolt.”

 

Zeus rolled his eyes, “And you think that after the last time that I wouldn’t be watching over it even more closely than ever?”

 

Hermes shrugged, “I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

 

Zeus glowered at him, “Don’t be a fool. And for that matter, it’s not going to work, you know.”

 

He blinked at his father, “What?”

 

Zeus sighed, “Stealing it is not going to make young Perseus like you. I’ll lend it to you to help you out, but it will have no effect on the young boy.”

 

“Well…he did dare me.”

 

Zeus sighed again and gestured to the Master Bolt to his son, turning and walking away in exasperation. Hermes nodded satisfactorily and took it, disappearing as quickly as he’d set about there.

 

Percy was _not_ happy about it.

 

“No, no, no! I am not about to be labeled a lightning thief again!” he cried out, backing away from Hermes and staring in horror at the Master Bolt.

 

Hermes smiled in amusement at him.

 

“But it proves I can steal anything. And now I’ll go after your heart.”

 

“ _Idiot_. This would be just as bad as if you’d taken Uncle Hades’ Helm of Darkness too, and finish off what Ares had started,” Percy snapped irritably.

 

“…Okay,” Hermes frowned, disappearing and leaving the Master Bolt.

 

“No…no! Come back, come back!”

 

Glancing around furtively, Percy snatched the Master Bolt and ran around his room looking for a bag to hide it in so he could bring it to Dionysus. Who he just _knew_ hated him enough to guffaw at him.

 

“I’m _serious_ ,” Percy stressed. “Please take it back to Zeus for me. I didn’t steal it. Tell him I didn’t steal it! Please!”

 

“Listen up, Peter,” Mr. D’s lip curled into a derisive grin. “You’re. Stuck. With it. Good luck with that.” And then the god went back to laughing uproariously at his misfortune.

 

Percy scrambled back to his cabin in frustration and hurriedly stuffed the bag with the Master Bolt in it under his bed.

 

Meanwhile, Hermes was heading to the Underworld, having successfully bribed Charon into taking him with an Italian pinstripe suit. Not that the ‘ferryman’ needed to know he’d stolen it from Zeus.

 

Successfully navigating his way through the Underworld, he’d reached Hades’ throne room, only to meet his uncle idly sitting on his throne –and his Helm of Darkness displayed enticingly on a pedestal next to the Lord of the Dead.

 

“Hello, Uncle.”

 

“Go on then. Take it. I have better things to do than bother with you,” Hades snapped.

 

Hermes eyed his uncle warily.

 

“I’m not sure I’m understanding, Uncle.”

 

“Your father sent word. So hurry it up and take it. Make sure it makes its way safely to Perseus or you’ll be haunting these halls soon,” Hades’ aura grew more menacing, and Hermes quickly heeded his ‘advice’ and swiped the Helmet of Darkness.

 

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he fled quickly before his terrifying uncle could change his mind.

 

And when Percy saw him and it, he looked faint. Twirling the Helmet on a finger, he grinned mischievously and plopped it onto the boy’s head.

 

“Safely delivered,” Hermes declared.

 

Percy glowered at him from under the Helmet, which was too big and kept sliding forward and obscuring his sight, refusing to work or adjust to his head.

 

“This isn’t working,” Percy announced. “This is plain ridiculous and you’re not getting what I’m saying. What’s next? My father’s Trident?”

 

“…Okay.”

 

And the god vanished once more.

 

“No!”

 

Percy cursed his luck.

 

For Hermes, however, he was also cursing his luck. This was one task he wasn’t looking forward to; of the Big Three’s symbols of power, the Trident was not on his list of great thrills to steal. And why is that, if he is the God of Thieves? Because of the God of Sea himself. Poseidon was Percy’s father. And if Hades had been any indication, Zeus had told the other two about him and his tasks. Which meant…

 

“Boo.”

 

Hermes, lost in his thoughts, was startled in fear and whirled around to face his would-be attacker. He relaxed upon seeing Triton there instead of having to face Poseidon’s wrath earlier than planned.

 

“Well, well, well. What do _we_ _have here_?” the heir to the water kingdom smirked treacherously.

 

“It’s none of your business,” Hermes answered shortly.

 

“Temper, temper,” Triton wagged a finger, his smirk widening. “We wouldn’t want Father Dearest to stumble upon this scene, now would we?”

 

Hermes calmed himself with deep breaths, “No, we wouldn’t.”

 

“Good. Trident’s that way. Hurry it up and get out of here.”

 

Hermes blinked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

 

“What? Just like that?”

 

Triton nodded his head in boredom.

 

“Yup. Just like that.”

 

Still eying him warily, after a few more moments of seeing Triton raising his eyebrows at him and manicuring his nails with a filer he’d pulled from out of nowhere, Hermes turned away in relief and started towards his goal.

 

“FATHER! BROTHER’S WOULD-BE MOLESTOR IS HEADING TOWARDS YOUR TRIDENT!” Triton bellowed, pausing his nail filer on his right thumb.

 

Hermes stared at him in horror.

 

“I suggest you run,” Triton’s smirk returned.

 

“WHAT?! THAT _BASTARD_! COME HERE, HERMES, SO I CAN RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES!”

 

“Charming,” Triton sighed dreamily.

 

Hermes shuddered and ran to the Trident, traveling faster than he’d ever traveled before. He got the Trident and got out of there as fast as he could.

 

Appearing on Percy’s doorstep, he knocked frantically and threw himself on the boy once Percy had opened his door looking very irritable. Hermes blabbered on incoherently, and Percy’s irritation turned to confusion as he awkwardly patted the god on the back and had to struggle to support the weight of Hermes’ body on him –even as he felt his father’s Trident forebodingly pressing painfully against his shoulder as Hermes clutched tightly onto him.

 

“Calm down,” Percy sighed. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Your. Father. Is _terrifying_ ,” Hermes declared with a shudder.

 

Percy winced, “Yep. He can be a bit scary if you’re on his bad side.”

 

Hermes reluctantly pulled back, with a wry grin.

 

“Understatement of the century.”

 

“And it’s called ironic sarcasm.”

 

Percy rolled his eyes and pulled the god behind him, pushing him to sit on his bed. Sitting beside him, Percy looked serious.

 

“Look, this is… _sweet_ in the most idiotic, irrational, and reckless way. Maybe not the _sanest_. But you can’t just woo someone with stolen gifts. What are you going to do? Flood this cabin with symbols of the other gods and goddesses’ power?” he chuckled and shook his head.

 

That is, until he saw Hermes staring at _him_ seriously.

 

“…Okay.”

 

The god vanished, saying the word rapidly becoming the bane of Percy’s existence.

 

The demigod groaned and pulled at his hair.

 

“And just when I thought I was getting through to him.”

 

He tried to stash the newest addition to his unwanted growing collection under his bed, when he saw the Trident was too long to hide under it. And that Uncle Hades’ Helmet was making the darkness under his bed somehow grow darker and become creepy, and that Uncle Zeus’ Bolt was beginning to burn a hole through the middle of his bed, already having destroyed his bag.

 

Wincing he hesitantly stashed the Bolt in the middle of a bouquet of flowers in a vase set in the corner of the cabin, the Helmet on his dresser, and the Trident inclined against the wall across from his bed.

 

He fled his room to seek out Chiron in the centaur’s study, who grimaced at the tale.

 

“I’m not sure what to say, Percy. This is unexpected, and I’m not sure what to make of Hermes’ actions. I should say, though, that perhaps it may be wise of you to refrain from speaking of any more objects Hermes may steal –and just say that you don’t want him stealing for you.”

 

Percy thumped his head heavily onto Chiron’s desk.

 

“I’m just uncertain about all this though. Gods aren’t supposed to steal other gods’ symbols of power. That Hermes would do so, God of Thieves or no, would be an outrage,” Chiron frowned, standing by the window and looking up thoughtfully.

 

“Knock, knock,” Dionysus yawned, throwing open the door to the study. “Couldn’t help overhearing you. The items are not exactly being _stolen_ per se.”

 

The god of wine stole Chiron’s chair and plopped his feet onto the desk.

 

“Zeus heard from Hera what Hermes was planning on doing, so he let the idiot steal the Lightning Bolt. Then he told his brothers just in case something like this would happen. And then it spread to the other Olympian gods, who are all amused and some that are downright pleased and giddy with the events.”

 

Read: Aphrodite.

 

“ _So_ now everyone is letting Hermes get away with taking their things and practically giving them away. Well, except your father, that is. Oh, and there’s a running bet on what else Hermes will steal and since everything is free game…” Mr. D shrugged. “And there’s a bet on whether or not you’ll give in to Hermes.”

 

Percy choked on his breath before his eyes rolled into his head and he fainted.

 

“Well, that’s that,” Dionysus cheerfully leaned back and made a Diet Coke appear in his hand.

 

Chiron stared incredulously at him.

 

Meanwhile, Hermes was making good on his promise to Percy to steal certain gods and goddesses’ prized possessions. He struck out with both Demeter and Athena, neither having anything of extreme value to themselves. Well, there _was_ Persephone for Demeter, but somehow he got the feeling Hades wouldn’t let him get away with that one.

 

He hit gold with Aphrodite, taking her prized magic belt and was about to immediately put it on top of Percy’s bed, when he’d changed his mind about it. The boy was strangely absent.

 

Then he was on a roll, taking Apollo’s lyre, Artemis’ silver bow, Hestia’s Pandora’s Jar, Hephaestus’ beloved anvil (who oddly left it in plain view, and whistled happily as he walked off to somewhere while Hermes stole it), Persephone’s black and white pearl necklace, and his most valued and favorite yet –one of Dionysus’ personal wine creations. And just because he did so well, he decided to go back and take some red poppies from Demeter’s private garden to go with the wine. And since Athena didn’t really have anything, he went back and defaced her home in Mount Olympus, scribbling everywhere with a permanent black marker, writing ‘Nyah, Nyah!’ on all her mirrors, and then stole her helmet just to steal something of hers.

 

He was on his way to Ares’ when he’d forgotten about Hera. Her most cherished object was actually a garden. A tree in a garden. With certain golden apples.

 

Squaring his shoulders and voiding his face, he headed straight for the Garden of Hesperides –a place full of bad memories and ghosts. And time for him to face them.

 

It took no trouble for him to speed pass the dragon, even with its many heads, and steal an apple before speeding back. His past was settled there, and he wasn’t quite ready to face it. Not just yet.

 

Depositing the apple into Percy’s room, he headed to Ares’ quickly so he could fulfill one more errand before claiming Percy.

 

The war god had laid out his bloody spear clear on a gilded table in the middle of the entrance to his home. But Hermes bypassed it and headed to the garage, gleefully finding his prize and riding away.

 

So Ares finished his shower, smugly contented in expecting his spear to be absent, only to be confused to still see its presence. Shrugging, he went to his garage to ride over to Aphrodite’s, only to roar in anger to see his precious chariot in Harley mode gone.

 

Hermes chuckled satisfactorily, parking the bike inside Percy’s cabin and still wondering at his absence. Leaving again, just as Percy finally entered wearily, he headed back to the Underworld. His visit to the Garden of Hesperides reminded him of one more thing. He wasn’t just going to steal Percy’s heart…he was also stealing Percy himself. From someone very dear to them both.

 

Percy, having just missed Hermes, stared incredulously at his room. The entire cabin was literally, _literally_ covered with the possessions of certain gods and goddesses. The running motor of Ares’ bike being the main attraction, as it roared and shook angrily, just like its owner. Panicking, he tried to shuffle things around to make his room look less incriminating, ignoring his dresser that had transformed and seemed to be painted black with the shadows, the extensions of which writhe and twisted menacingly, looking like a monstrous gothic creation –Uncle Hades’ Helmet of Darkness at the center of attention…and Aphrodite’s sleek red magic belt tied around it in a nice little bow. He was frantically working on Ares’ bike when there was a knock on his door.

 

“Percy? You looked a little freaked out earlier. We wanted to check on you,” the voice of his friend Annabeth called out hesitantly.

 

“Ah, don’t come in here! I’m…redecorating! It’s a mess!” he yelled, his voice coming out as more of a scream.

 

“Move over, Wise Girl,” Clarisse’s voice was muffled on the other side.

 

There was some shuffling of feet outside his door.

 

“You are _not_ –!”

 

Bam! His door broke off its hinges and Clarisse was standing on the other side, leg still poised in a kicking stance and her hands up in fists in front of her face.

 

“…kicking down the door…”Annabeth trailed off.

 

The group behind the door blinked, and Percy held up his hands, unable to wipe the panicked look on his face and not look guilty.

 

“Is that my _dad’s_ bike?” Clarisse barked out, straightening up and staring at him.

 

“It wasn’t me!” he squeaked out.

 

Annabeth, Grover, and Clarisse slipped inside, closing the door gently behind them, lest it break off completely.

 

“It certainly looks like it. What in Hades is going on, Seaweed Brain?” Annabeth forced calm into her voice. “You know what happened the last time you were accused of stealing a god’s symbol of power, and now you actually did? And _more_ than once? After the trouble last time –oh gods! Is that Zeus’ Master Bolt in your vase?! Not again!”

 

The Lightning Bolt crackled angrily in the vase, creating cracks in it and already having killed and dried out the flowers, and starting to actually vaporize them.

 

“I swear, this isn’t what it looks like,” Percy’s eyes were wide and wild, and he was practically jittery, glancing about nervously and twitching erratically. “It’s all Hermes’ fault!”

 

“First my dad and now you gonna blame Hermes for all this? Nice try, Kelp Head,” Clarisse chortled. “Oh, this is killing me!”

 

“Not funny, Clarisse,” Annabeth glared at the other girl. “Something’s going on.”

 

“Maybe we should actually ask Percy instead of making assumptions?” Grover pointed out. “Because he looks like he’s about to go off the deep end.”

 

The three of them looked at Percy closely and noted his crazy appearance and anxiety.

 

“Alright, Kelp. Spill. What’s going on and why are you pinning it on Hermes?” Clarisse waved a hand around the cabin.

 

Percy nervously inched towards his bed, tiredly laying down on it. It split right in the middle and he and the two halves of the bed met the floor. He twitched.

 

“Should we ask?” Grover asked dryly.

 

“I hid Zeus’ Bolt under here earlier. I forgot it already started burning a hole through it,” Percy mumbled, slowly fishing himself out of the wreckage. “How in Hades do you turn your dad’s bike off?! It won’t turn _off_!” he freaked out.

 

They stared at him worriedly.

 

“Woah. Calm down, Percy,” Clarisse warily held up her hands. She pointed at a small button near the handles. “Dad jammed his knife into the ignition a while ago in anger, and since Hephaestus is pissed at him still, he can’t get it fixed. So he has that emergency button right there.”

 

Percy stalked over to the Harley and hit the button with his finger, slumping over the bike in exhaustion afterwards, once it died down.

 

“Percy?” Grover tentatively prodded.

 

Percy tiredly straightened and opened his arms to the width of the room.

 

“All this? Hermes. He’s not listening!” Percy grumbled. “And there’s a _betting pool_ up there about what else he’s going to steal and give to me! He’s _stealing_ all of them! And giving them to me! Does that make sense?! I’m just waiting for one of them to lash out and come after me! And there’s another bet going on on whether or not I give in to him and let him date me –”

 

“Woah, woah, run that again!” Annabeth cut in, trying not to gape.

 

“What she said,” Clarisse didn’t bother monitoring her jaw.

 

“I third that,” Grover looked faint.

 

Percy looked irritably at them.

 

“He’s _stealing_ all of this in an attempt to woo me,” Percy sighed and his hands began to automatically clutch at his hair again.

 

“You mean, uh, he likes you?” Grover clarified.

 

“He says he _loves_ me,” Percy huffed. “Really now.”

 

His three visitors stared incredulously at him.

 

“Oh Ares…is that a Golden Apple?” Clarisse eyed the confection sitting innocently on Percy’s stand.

 

Percy glanced at it and winced, “Yup…and yes, that’s the Helm of Darkness, my dad’s Trident, and etc. etc.”

 

He swiped the Trident off the wall and jabbed it in their direction.

 

“I want it gone. All of them gone! But I don’t know how to give them back without endangering my life and limbs!”

 

Eyes widening even further, the three of them backed away. Grover used one finger to tip the Trident to the side and its pointy ends away from them.

 

“When Hermes comes back…just tell him. Tell him straight out that you don’t want any of this and that he has to return them,” Annabeth told him firmly.

 

“What if he doesn’t listen?” Percy asked miserably.

 

“Well, if he loves you, he would,” Annabeth nodded her head, content with her answer.

 

“I still can’t believe you haven’t taken a bite outta that apple,” Clarisse huffed. “I mean, I know you didn’t go for immortality last time for us, but hey! There’s enough for all four of us. And if you insist, we can mail a piece to Nico and Rachel. Thalia’s already got immortality with the Huntress package and all, so she’s covered.”

 

Percy glared at the apple, “It’s not mine. It’s stolen and I’m not going to go cheat and bite it, especially because it’s stolen. Besides, it’s not worth getting immortality from it. Zoë lost her life because of it, and her life was _ruined_ first because of it and selfish heroes. I’m not going to be selfish and I’m not even _touching_ it.”

 

“Then…we’ll just have to wait until Hermes comes back,” Annabeth said firmly.

 

“Where is he anyway?” Clarisse stretched and then plopped down onto an extra bed lazily.

 

“Don’t know,” Percy muttered.

 

Hermes, unknown to them, was currently in the Underworld for the third time, promising Charon more Italian suits (courtesy of Zeus, of course). He traveled through the realm, already knowing where his son would be. And there he was, sitting in boredom on a flat rock and using a knife to dig out dirt from his shoes.

 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my father,” Luke drawled.

 

Hermes inwardly winced, remembering just earlier, Triton similarly greeting him in the same way.

 

“I’m hearing through the grapevine that you’ve been busy. Someone I should know about?” the glint in his son’s eyes was definitely not just his imagination.

 

“Maybe,” he answered guardedly.

 

Luke chuckled, “I won’t let you have him…Or that was what I would have said, had I still been alive and all. But being dead,” he made a disappointed sound. “Well, the dead can’t conquer, can they? Eh, not unless you’re Hades or a close relative like Nico.”

 

Hermes struggled to walk a few steps forward, the troubles between father and son still not quite settled.

 

“I’m not going to give you my blessing, if that’s what you’re after,” Luke said bitterly. “So don’t even bother asking.”

 

“I wasn’t going to,” he said softly. “I was going to make it a point to come here and tell you I was going to steal him away from you, regardless of love, animosity, or bonds between us, my son. Selfishness runs deep in this family, and I’m no more innocent of that than you.”

 

“Percy might be though,” Luke said nonchalantly, flipping the knife into the air and then catching it by the blade. “Petty little things might escape him, but the bigger things show that big heart of his he really shouldn’t have in our world.”

 

Hermes chanced an embrace and was reassured by the drop of the knife and his son’s own arms reluctantly closing around him.

 

“Thanks, at least, for telling me in person,” Luke muttered into his chest.

 

“I didn’t want you finding out from anyone else…and because you of all people would understand. You loved him too, and you had a right to know,” Hermes murmured.

 

“And because you are my son and you had a right to him first.”

 

 Luke was quiet before he pulled back slightly to look his father in the eye.

 

“You’ve already been forgiven for not being there, for everything else…but I won’t forgive you for stealing Percy.”

 

Hermes nodded in understanding, “Then I suppose that’s another barrier to add between us…but maybe we can work through that one in time, hm?”

 

“Don’t count on it. Not for a long time.”

 

Well…at least his son wasn’t completely pissed off at him. And it looked like the past was finally catching up.

 

“You _are_ the God of Messengers, Travelers, Communication, Medicine, Inventions, and Merchants. You could swear constant contact with him, or for gods’ sakes, good health care. Invent something for him. Go vacation with him, or send him around the world. _Buy_ him something. Anything but stealing everything you can get your hands on. You’re not just the God of Thieves.”

 

“Right, right…I kind of got sidetracked a bit…”

 

Luke sighed and shoved Hermes away, pushing him in the direction of the exit.

 

“Get out already.”

 

Hermes shrugged and transported himself back to his original goal.

 

“Should I be worried about this gathering?” Hermes appeared suddenly, glancing quickly over the group, who quickly turned silent at the sight of him.

 

Annabeth shot up to her feet and stomped over to him, surprising everyone when she jabbed her finger several times into his chest, in sync with the enunciation of her words.

 

“You. _Idiot_. God. Immortal or not, you better stop harassing my best friend or I’ll come after you with my mother’s spear! I refuse to let you mess around with his feelings like every other god with any other mortal!”

 

Hermes’ hand quickly snatched her hand midway to its final jab, too fast to be even seen, and Annabeth looked up at him in surprise, flinching at the serious look on the god’s face. The sheer ferocity and the absolute somberness on his face brought Annabeth to a standstill and complete speechlessness.

 

At that moment, he looked without a doubt the god he is, without the divine aura that would have disintegrated her. There was no hesitation in her mind about his godliness, and he showed it without reservation or arrogance, but mere verity.

 

Clarisse whistled, “And here I thought that rash thinking was all on my side of the family.”

 

“I-I…Please forgive me, Lord Hermes. I meant no –” at his knowing look, she cringed. “I did mean disrespect, but only because I really care for Percy and I don’t want to see him hurt.”

 

He nodded understandingly, still looking at her in total grimness.

 

“There is a promise sworn on the River Styx that I must fulfill, so please step aside, Miss Chase, and allow me to see to young Perseus personally.”

 

She wordlessly stepped aside, eyes wide with the admission of a sworn oath on the River Styx, and watched the god walk up to Percy solemnly, perfectly divine until Percy ruined the image, having finally snapped out of his daze.

 

“Idiot!” Percy frowned, slapping him upside the head. “You choose _now_ , of all times, to actually look and act like a real god. And to intimidate my friend too! Don’t be such a jerk!”

 

“Peeeerrrccy,” Hermes whined, pouting and clutching his head in pain. “That hurt. I’m _sorry_ though! Really, I am. And I wasn’t trying to intimidate her! I swear! I was just trying to…Oh Hades! I’m still a god here, you know!”

 

And just like that, the godly vision disappeared, and he’d somehow transformed from god to seeming like a normal guy instantaneously like whiplash. The solemnity of a god vanished, and Hermes even seemed _playful_ and teasing. The change was jarring and shocking to the other three in the room, who were also astonished at Percy’s audacity to hit and talk back casually to Hermes.

 

“I can’t believe you hit me,” Hermes grumbled. Huh. Now that he thought about it, Percy wasn’t usually so abrasive, and wouldn’t dare hit or even talk back _that_ much to any god.  “Even your usual casualness with me and the other gods isn’t this bad. That’s it. You are no longer hanging around this girl!” he pointed at Clarisse.

 

“Hey!”

 

Percy glowered at him, “It _might_ have to do with me being frazzled and crazed out of my mind!”

 

“Ah. Now that you mention it, you do look a little peaky. Are you alright?”

 

The only male demigod in the room screamed in frustration.

 

“It’s this! It’s all of this!” Percy waved his hands haphazardly around him, indicating the objects littering his room. He dragged the god behind him and sat him down on the farthest bed from the others and the door of the cabin. He opened his mouth to continue, when he and Hermes snapped their heads to the side and saw the others leaning forward intently, watching them keenly. Seeing them looking back, the three averted their stares and mostly whipped their heads to face the ceiling, whistling innocently.

 

“I told you, this is all a _very_ sweet thing. I’m validating your hard work and your feelings. Jeez, I sounded like a psych textbook for a second,” Percy muttered that last part to himself. “Anyway, all of this, um…man, I didn’t think it would be this hard to explain…”

 

Hermes held up a hand, “You don’t need to. You just don’t want it. I think I kind of figured that out before now. And a little blond birdie told me too…Look, that’s why I came back here right now.”

 

Percy looked to him attentively, despite the obvious exhaustion lining his entire body and the weariness plain on his face. Hermes took the hand he’d held up and gently placed it against Percy’s cheek, who reluctantly leaned against it gratefully, eyes fluttering and wanting to close but just not yet there. Any other time, Percy would have moved away or not easily accepted the show of affection, especially with the situation as it was between the two…but he was just really, really _tired_.

 

“You don’t take stress very well, do you?” he murmured.

 

Percy lightly snorted, a sardonic grin flitting on his face before lightening back into a tired one.

 

“Not in certain situations.”

 

“Sleep. We can talk later,” he encouraged, curving his palm more to accommodate Percy’s face and then moving him to lie down onto the bed, and bringing the boy’s head up to use his shoulder as a pillow while he snaked his arm around Percy’s neck. Percy was already fast asleep; forgetting the other three in the cabin with them, while Hermes just ignored their presence.

 

Annabeth, Clarisse, and Grover? Stayed right where they were, getting comfortable. Why would they leave? They got ringside seats, and it was probably what the gods were doing anyway. They’ve done it for years.

 

Voyeurism was totally an immortal’s pastime.

 

And when the two woke up, thankfully very close in time, Hermes decided to go straight to the issue.

 

“Percy, earlier when I’d come back, before I was interrupted, I was going to offer to take everything back. Everything here, I will not only get rid of it for you, but give it back to everyone. On one condition.”

 

Percy eyed him suspiciously.

 

“What condition?”

 

Hermes confidently smiled at him, “I would like to take you out to a restaurant for dinner. That’s it. No strings attached, simply a normal dinner.”

 

It seemed so _normal_ and _simple_. It was hard to believe that Hermes, a god, would want a straightforward dinner, with no catches involved. And he couldn’t find anything at fault with the request.

 

“You really will take everything back just for a dinner?” Percy asked dubiously.

 

“Yes. I swear,” Hermes was still confident.

 

“Nothing fancy,” Percy grumbled. “I’ll feel out of place…”

 

“Brilliant! You got it, Percy. I’ll start on everything now, you take another nap, and by the time I’m done we can go,” Hermes beamed at him.

 

“Chill on the happy pill,” Percy grouchily mumbled, already sleepy and unaware of the words leaving his mouth.

 

“Sorry, part of my daily vitamin regime,” Hermes sarcastically answered, rolling his eyes and getting off the bed, in turn adjusting Percy in a more comfortable position.

 

He stood up straight and turned, blinking at the presence of the other three sitting on chairs in a row nearby and popcorn bags in their hands.

 

“Should put this on IMAX,” Grover shoved another handful of popcorn into his mouth, still watching. “Hm, popcorn. Now we need some enchiladas, apples, and aluminum in here.”

 

Hermes ignored them and went to start delivering back the stolen items. Leaving Poseidon’s Trident for last, he dreaded walking through the underwater palace. And the closer he got to the throne room, the more he got anxious, until he was practically petrified and didn’t want to move an inch closer.

 

And his hand was already on one of the doors.

 

“Boo.”

 

He whirled around angrily, ready to yell at Triton and tell off the smug bastard.

 

His plans were cut short and immediately modified.

 

“Uhhhhhhhh…um?”

 

“Want to say that again?” Poseidon deadpanned.

 

“Um?”

 

An hour later, there was loud pounding against Cabin Three’s door. Rolling his eyes and sharing a look with the other three still in his room, Percy went to the door and was ready to make a sarcastic remark, but the traumatized god on the other side gave him pause.

 

“Drowned rat in season?” he said anyway.

 

Hermes’ jaw trembled and he tried to speak, but he couldn’t say anything. Instead, the God of Thieves fell forward onto Percy and Percy’s arms snapped up to catch him, stumbling with the weight and bulk of the man.

 

“What happened to you?” Percy grunted, trying to drag Hermes to his new bed and ignoring the stares from his friends.

 

“Trident. Poseidon. _Hell in the waters_.”

 

Hermes whimpered.

 

Percy didn’t know whether to laugh or wince in sympathy. Instead, he cleared his throat and knew just what would get the man up and ready to go.

 

“You know…we still have dinner tonight. Unless you want to reschedule?”

 

Hermes immediately perked up and his drowned appearance quickly changed until he was dry and wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt, the top button unbuttoned and showcasing his neck and a hint of his chest.

 

“Well, good to know you’re suddenly reenergized.”

 

“Always ready with the sarcasm.”

 

“Let’s go already,” Percy exhaled slowly, refusing to let him get to him, though his lips unwittingly twitched upwards.

 

Hermes threaded his arm through Percy’s and vanished, leaving three teens to be ignored. Again. And alone, while they were at it.

 

“So…you put that tracking spell on him, Grover?” Annabeth whipped out her invisibility cap.

 

“Yep.”

 

“ _Excellent_ ,” Clarisse cackled.

 

And the three of them tracked the unusual couple to the most stupidest place to take a person out to. On a _date_.

 

_"It's not a date!"_

 

_“Yes it is, Seaweed Brain!”_

_“It’s **not**!”_

Well, Percy was in denial and they obviously knew better than him. Fortunately for Hermes, though, Percy didn’t think like they did. So Percy thought McDonald’s was an excellent place to eat dinner at. Even if he didn’t think it was a date.

 

“You sure it isn’t too cavalier?” Hermes shrugged.

 

Percy snorted, “Are you kidding? I would feel awkward anywhere else. I totally fit in here.”

 

“I figured,” Hermes grinned. “You said you’d rather go somewhere not extravagant. So I went with the complete opposite.”

 

“But now you don’t fit,” Percy rolled his eyes, looking at him pointedly.

 

“Guess again,” Hermes’s grin turned sly, as was his usual. “To the left corner, at the counter wall in the back, and in line second to last.”

 

“Alright, alright. You made your point,” Percy huffed, refusing to look at each of the areas he’d pointed out.

 

Percy was surprised to find he really enjoyed the dinner and more that he’d enjoyed Hermes’ presence. The god had a wicked humor, though at times his humor almost reminded him of Luke’s…

 

“Pleasantly shocked that you find you like me?” Hermes asked innocently.

 

“Uh, yeah –no! I’m not shocked about that,” Percy glared, though Hermes already had a smug look on his face and he was strangely blushing himself. “I’m shocked I actually liked going out with you.”

 

“Good,” Hermes nodded certainly. “That means we can do this again.”

 

“Wait one second!” Percy’s glare intensified. “You do not just make decisions without asking me first.”

 

“So that means we’re the ‘make decisions together’ type of couple?”

 

Percy tossed a fry at his head.

 

“I didn’t say that! Look,” Percy pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright, I’ll admit I like your company, this was enjoyable, and I might be easing a bit to the idea of…dating you.” The cringe was amusing, but not heartwarming for Hermes. “I’m not saying _okay_ , but…maybe. Maybe? Will a ‘maybe’ work for you?”

 

At least the tentativeness was adorable.

 

“Of course, Percy. Better than a no,” and Percy wasn’t sure, but Hermes actually looked like he was smiling _shyly_ at him.

 

That was just plain odd.

 

“And just to let you know, I’m pretty sure I stole your first date.”

 

Percy groaned.

 

Later, once they were back at Camp Half-Blood, Hermes led Percy to his cabin’s door.

 

“This is where I leave you,” Hermes murmured.

 

Percy unconsciously tensed, getting a suspicious premonition. Nodding sharply, he went to go open his door when Hermes pulled him back and leaned him against the door, pressing up against Percy as the god’s lips suddenly descended onto his own. Hermes’ lips were firm, but not forceful. The kiss was closed-mouthed and simple, and not at all pressing or too bold or anything at all that would freak Percy out.

 

“Oh…”

 

Hermes smirked, “Is that all you have to say?”

 

Percy snapped out of his daze and hit Hermes’ shoulder lightly.

 

“Shut up,” Percy mumbled. “Why did you ask me out on a… _date_ anyway? I didn’t think going out to eat was something you’d care to do with someone. Or any god or goddess. In fact, I thought you and the others just preferred a nice roll in the sack,” he ended derisively.

 

Hermes took it in stride, “Sure, sex is awesome. You offering?”

 

Percy blanched, “Stop messing around!”

 

“Percy, going to a restaurant or to eat is a normal thing couples do, right? Mortal couples, at least. Mind you, I think your father was into that kind of thing as well, most definitely with your mother. I just thought it was a typical date couples usually do. I made the dinner the condition because I wanted that. I wanted…to feel like we were a couple and act like one.”

 

“Blunt honesty is a horrible trait in you gods,” Percy weakly said, keeping to sarcasm because he wasn’t sure on how to respond to that.

 

“But it is honesty nonetheless,” Hermes calmly stated.

 

Percy winced, but looked back tiredly.

 

“Then I’ll be just as direct. After that kiss, I might just be leaning a little bit more towards the idea of saying yes to you.”

 

The demigod swung his door open and stepped in, slamming the door behind him. Hermes’ grin returned full-force, and the god leaned his forehead against the door, holding his hands up to place them on either side.

 

“Hey, Percy,” he lightly called out. “I stole your first kiss.”

 

There was a bang on the door, prompting Hermes to back away laughing, knowing Percy had heard and thrown something at the door.

 

And as this happened, three spies watched eagerly, two of them Iris-messaging their Olympian parent. Both Hermes and Percy were blissfully unaware of the controlled chaos on Mount Olympus for the moment, though who knew how long that would last.

 

Because apparently, Percy’s admission was considered a de facto yes and Aphrodite won the jackpot for that. “True love will always win out,” was her smug proclamation. That was ignoring the plenty of others who had betted on a yes, because Aphrodite liked to think she was the only one who mattered.

 

Then there were bets on items. Zeus went high-roller and bet that his brother Poseidon would be the only one with the item Hermes would be reluctant to steal and be easily freaked out by (though, he did have a minor bet on his Italian suit –unhappy he may be at losing it, the payback was more than double what the suit cost and he was very happy about that). Ares had bet on his own spear, completely losing when Hermes had stolen his bike instead (“Dude, everyone knows your ride is your pride.” “Shut up, Apollo, or I’ll run you over with _my pride_.”). Plenty of people had bet on their own items, making easy money. The moneymakers of the night? Hades and Persephone, both of them together raking up the money as they won the majority of the bets.

 

And the last of the huge bets was whether or not the two would kiss. Strangely only _Ares_ and _Athena_ won the bet (thanks to some helpful _anonymous_ contacts). Not even Aphrodite, though she proclaimed the kiss shouldn’t count because “Hermes kissed Perseus and the human just stood there,” had that bet. It was also important to note that it was the only bet that had Poseidon bothered enough to upset him into betting, and bet with a mad gleam in his eyes that was almost murderous and a tense body that had everyone keeping an arm’s length away at all times.

 

He’d lost his Trident for a week.

 

Both Ares and Athena decided to split the time with the Trident and the money, excited for a new weapon toy but also needing the money because of the lost bet on his spear and her needing to renovate her house.

 

And all this brought to you by Hephaestus TV.

 

Started 3/21/10 –Completed 3/29/10


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